It’s Ramona here! Good day my little flowers! I have good news and some bad news. I’ll deliver the bad news first. The bad news is, your son or daughter has a bed wetting problem. The good news is, Romona’s here to help!
I’ve got four foolproof remedies to put a stop to your child’s nighttime urination troubles. My sons Dalton, Dylan and Dustin all struggled with bed wetting. It made me so sad to see my little boys miss their friends’ sleepovers because they couldn’t control their bladders at night. So I introduced four simple home remedies that helped them instantly. Here they are; four remedies that will stop your child’s bed wetting.
Bumble bees are great for honey and it ain’t even funny! But they can actually be used for much more. The body of a bumble bee contains a precious elixir known as “hymmus.” This substance is a natural adhesive and can be used to clot blood, seal a drain pipe or even stop your child from peeing at night. Just find a beehive, spray it with insecticide, pick out the dead bees, peel the bees’ skin from their organs, dissect the hymmus and store it in a pastry bag. And be careful touching this stuff because it has been known to burn skin. That being said, it is best to mix the hymmus into a smoothie so the pain is lessened. Once the hymmus is ingested, the elixir will go straight to the bladder and heavily obstruct your child’s ability to urinate. My son Dalton hasn’t peed at night or at all for 7 weeks!
Corn. And LOTS of it!
Apart from being a tasty veggie, corn offers a lot of health benefits. It straightens hair, keeps muscles tight, retains oxygen in the bloodstream and even reduces the urges from the bladder. In order to reap these rewards from nature’s Swiss Army knife, you need to eat as much of it as you can. Feeding your child at least a few gallons of corn will see that pesky bed wetting reduce drastically. While a few gallons may seem like a lot of food, it is still a viable option. And if your child is hesitant about trying to digest their body weight in vegetables, try diverting their attention towards a gimmick or an incentive. For example, I usually tell my boys that we’re having a corn eating contest and the winner gets a bedtime story from yours truly. See, helping your kids with their medical issues can be fun!
Running into Jason Mraz on the Street
This method is a little tricky as it’s not necessarily easy to track Jason Mraz to the point of a rendezvous. And you can’t always rely on luck to stumble upon such a famous singer, especially if you live outside of California. But believe me when I say this is one of the most effective ways to stop your kids from peeing in their sleep. As my sons and I were leaving from mother-son Pilates in North L.A., Jason Mraz walked right by us holding his guitar and scatting. I screamed “Jason! I’ve got the poison!” And he replied by singing “If you’ve got the poison I’ve got the remedy. The remedy is the experience. It is a dangerous liaison,
I say the comedy is that its serious. Which is a strange enough new play on words,
I say the tragedy is how you’re gonna spend the rest of your nights with the light on,
So shine the light on all of your friends because it all amounts to nothing in the end,” and winking at me and my boys. My family and I looked at each other with hope. And the next morning, my sons awoke to the pleasant surprise of dry underwear! So if you can manage it, find that gorgeous acoustic hunk and ask him for the antidote!
No, no, not the movie, silly! Of all my remedies for this matter, this is probably the most cost-effective and it requires the least amount of energy. A blood-curdling yell directly into an adolescent’s eardrum may seem like a bad idea, but you’d be shocked at the effects it may have on your child’s bed wetting situation. If you’ve tried everything and nothing works, then try a good old-fashioned vicious scream at your frustrating child. If you’re lucky, and if you scream at just the right volume, your child will be so scared that they will never fucking cross you again. You will fucking dominate your children and they will never piss the bed again. They won’t even talk to you anymore because they’re so fucking afraid of you. Fuckin little pee pants bitches. But, after the initial shock of the violent vocal abuse, your children will not only hopefully stop peeing the bed, but you and your kin should be able to rebuild your love for one another.
Well, I hope I could help. Enjoy your clean sheets, folks!