That’s right folks. The man who voiced Sully in Pixar’s classic “Monsters Inc.” sexually assaulted my 28-year-old cousin Justin at a family barbecue. And no, I am not related to John Goodman.
My family and I were at a backyard cookout celebrating my uncle’s retirement from 30 amazing years at IBM when John Goodman walked in through the gate.
At first, we were absolutely ecstatic. The “Big Lebowski” star was in our backyard enjoying the day with us. We played cornhole, exchanged a few laughs, and even shotgunned a few beers together.
Everything was going great until my uncle offered my cousin Justin a freshly grilled hot dog. Uncle Ronnie had picked up a dog with his tongs and was about to place it in Justin’s open bun. And out of nowhere, John Goodman’s bare cock stole the hot dog’s final resting place and shocked all of us.
We all stared at my cousin and John Goodman as the television and movie star’s penis lay where a frankfurter should have. Subsequently, John Goodman stated firmly “Hot dog time, hot dog time,” as he grabbed and cupped Justin’s penis. It was safe to say that John Goodman had overstayed his welcome.
We had a fun afternoon with Dan O’Connor from Roseanne but the uncalled-for groping of my innocent cousin Justin made us all feel a little strange.