Earlier this weekend I was at In ‘n Out when I noticed a sloppy Miley Cyrus. She had just crushed two double-doubles and was en route to the can.
Needless to say I followed her into the women’s bathroom to witness the colossal dump she was about to rip. And my God, I thought someone was throwing wet sandwiches at the wall when Miley’s poop hit the toilet water. I’m assuming people around the restaurant heard the sounds coming from Miley’s stall.
And then came the most troubling part of the poop. I heard Miley tear one sheet of tp, and then a second. Immediately after that, the toilet flushed and Miley was whistling a jaunty tune at the bathroom sink. Two wipes? For that ear rape dump? Not enough, Miley. Not enough.
And I’m sure a lot of you are saying, “Well you didn’t see the poop or her anus for that matter. Maybe, just maybe she had a clean dump.” Let me stop you in your fucking tracks real quick. First off, if the sound I just described isn’t convincing enough then maybe some common sense will help. NOBODY goes into an In-N-Out bathroom and unleashes a clean kraken. If you’re taking a dookie at a burger joint, whatever is coming out of you is gonna be reminiscent of a Jackson Pollack painting. And two measly wipes is not going to rectify the situation.
Sorry Miley, but the public has to know that your anal hygiene is Hannah Mon-terrible.